Rejection can come in all sorts of shapes and sizes - from a job interview, a breakup, an audition, applying for a loan, asking for a promotion or raise. Opportunities to be rejected are presented all the time. For today, though, let’s focus on romantic relationships. Regardless of your current “status,” I’m sure that most people will be able to relate.
Let’s take a look at a handful of different relationship scenarios.
You have been in a committed relationship for a couple years now. You’re feeling safe, secure and loved. The daily interactions feel completely comfortable and natural. You believe with every fiber of your being that you have found the one you’ve been searching for.
Then, without warning, the bomb is dropped. It’s over.
Maybe you are experiencing - or have experienced - repeated, recurring rejection within a relationship where things are not going as you would like. For example, you get...
I woke up the other day feeling a deep sense of love. I felt almost giddy with love. There was no particular reason driving how I felt – no person, no event, no memory, not even a song or scene from a movie. I simply felt love.
As I got my day started, I began to ponder what was creating such strong feelings to show up. I began to reflect on a text message I had received and wondered if there was any connection. Stick with me here.
A few days prior, I did a live video on social media where I shared a message about the significance of making changes if you are not happy with your situation or circumstances, and that there is always something you can do to make an improvement - anything from moving to changing your mindset to buying something to help.
In the video, I used myself as an example. I shared that I seriously dislike cold Minnesotan winters, but I had committed to myself to spend more time in nature. I explained that I had a choice now to stay inside and feel depressed...
We all like to think that we know ourselves. I mean, come on. Haven’t we quite literally been the one who’s been there the entire time, in every single waking – and sleeping – moment? Seems like that should mean something, right?
And we have all of our friends and family to share their observations about us to further deepen our knowledge of ourselves. Maybe you’ve heard them say something about you for years. Some characteristic they’ve identified about you (even if it happened only that one time) that they remind you of regularly, so it becomes part of your thinking – knowing – about who you are. Something seemingly benign like, “Oh, Kelly. She always forgets stuff.” Or, “You always react like that.” Or, “She should do ____ for a living, she’d be good at it.”
Equipped with all of this knowledge about ourselves, we go about setting up our lives – complete with careers, relationships, a...
You probably think that saying affirmations is a bit “woo-woo” and that people who say daily affirmations are just wishful thinkers, right? After all, how could repeating a couple of positive words or a phrase help anything? It’s just like wishing on a star or blowing out the birthday candles. In mean, how often do those wishes ever actually come true?
The truth is, though, that affirmations are very different from wishes, and, whether we do it intentionally or not, we are ALL saying affirmations pretty much every single day.
Not you, you say? Well, you’re going to want to hear me out on this.
Think about this for a minute. How often do you say things like…
I’m so fat.
I’m so clumsy.
I’m so dumb.
I’m so forgetful.
I’m so old.
I imagine that you feel like you are one or two of those things. I’ll also go out on a limb and say that you’ve been saying those things for a long time. Maybe others even started...
The personal relationship we hold with our stuff in our house is very fascinating. I think our stuff can speak volumes as to who we are, what we value, where we’ve been and even about what’s going on in our lives right now.
Take a look around your house right now. What kind of stories could be told about you?
Any special projects going on or events coming up? Can you see a theme throughout, like kids, sports, travel or a favorite color? Is there an underlying theme of chaos or calm? Can you tell that something is on your mind by what’s going on in your house?
I've been pondering and processing a project over the past few weeks. The project is HUGE in my mind because it’s a topic with which I’m relatively unfamiliar, but which is a crucial element for my business going forward. Getting started, even figuring out how or where to start, has felt overwhelming. And then came the actual learning part, which was equally overwhelming...
I was messaging with a friend recently, catching up on our days. I told him that I’d gotten a lot of work done that day, had worked out, and that I was getting ready to head off to meet with a client. His response was, “Nice! You are so busy. The day goes faster like that.”
Hold up. Wait…. What did he say?!
My friend’s statement gave me an immediate visceral response that shot an unusual and unexpected feeling from head to toe. It was as if some sort of timer went off and I was suddenly fully alert. I immediately thought, “Wait a minute here, I don’t want time to go fast!”
This full-body response to such a benign comment caught me off guard, so I played around with it a bit. Why was my reaction so instinctive and immediate? Was I feeling defensive? What was being triggered? Why such a strong feeling?
Then I realized what it was.
It was less about not wanting time to pass quickly than it was about not wanting it to pass...
Baby steps. It’s a common phrase. We all know it and we’ve likely all used it before. Now I want all of us to stop. Please. I implore you. PLEASE stop using this phrase.
Quit cheating yourself with baby steps and actually make the change.
I understand why we say it. It means we’re feeling overwhelmed by the bigger picture and that we’re happy that we made at least some progress. But if you are measuring progress in “baby steps,” do you feel like you made any real progress? And are you actually happy about that progress? I’d say nope and nope.
Yes, progress can take time. For example, if you have a completely disorganized house where nothing has a place and everything seems to be sprinkled about you can’t ever find anything... then, yes, it may feel like a “baby step” when you get the kitchen counter cleared off. Or it may feel like a baby step when you get your Etsy account set up when you’re starting an online...
I feel like I’ve been hearing the phrase “good enough” a lot lately. It seems to be showing up with multiple clients. As our routines stay all shaken up from quarantine and transitioning into the reopening phase, motivation seems to be fading and “good enough” seems to be taking hold. As I’ve pondered this topic, I’ve realized that no matter what challenges we are facing, settling for good enough is a dangerous roadblock.
An example of this came up during a coaching call with a client. She brought up how frustrated she is by her perpetually cluttered kitchen island. I asked her to look at each item on the island and reflect back on how it ended up there. Looking at it all, she realized that she brings stuff in from the car and ends up setting it on the island intending to put away later, thinking that “At least it’s in the house. That’s ‘good enough.’” The problem, though, is that when later comes,...
The last two weeks have left me with a very heavy heart. It’s taken me until now to send anything because I was struggling to process this extremely emotional situation that is gripping the Minneapolis community, as well as other communities across the country.
I am truly heartbroken over what happened to George Floyd. My words can’t express how devastated I am that this happened in my city. I am heartbroken over what happened to Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and too many others.
We could talk about the injustice. About the damages - psychological and physical, people and businesses. About the strength or the community. Throughout it all, one message rises up: it is time for change.
And the change starts within each of us. How can I BE better? How I can help become part of the SOLUTION? These are the big, deep-work questions that I have been asking myself - and I hope you ask yourself too.
While I don’t have all of...
As a life coach, every day I’m delving into discussion with people on how to reach a deeper level of happiness. Over the past couple months, there has been a reoccurring theme that keeps showing up in so many people’s lives: FEAR.
Fear comes in many forms, and can get in the way of happiness for many. We may have fears around being able to take care of our basic needs, like figuring out how we’ll be able to pay bills, when we will be able to return to work or if we even have a job to return to, and how we can stay healthy and safe during this global pandemic.
Very often we may also be grappling with fears around reaching for our goals and dreams, like the fear of the unknown, of failure, of asking for help, and of what people think about us. All of these fears are things that people often let stand in the way of pursuing their goals and dreams, and this is what I want to dig into today.
Fear of the unknown can keep you from realizing your goal of moving to a...